Hiatus

For those who remember that my NL still exists - hello again.

It’s been quite a while, longer than I’d like, since I’ve written this Bimonthly, I’ve been on a bit of a personal journey of discovery this year. Most of my writing has actually been very internal, personal, and handwritten in an amazon basics journal, I have not often had the energy to write for others.

As for where this newsletter is going, I’m not 100% sure. My plan is still to continue writing, hopefully about new topics. I imagine my cadence will be a bit more infrequent as I give myself a lot more time back this year. I’ll also spruce things up by incorporating more poetry than prose.

In the past couple months I’ve spent a lot of time outside my home base, learning to live and love myself truly and deeply, navigate a cycle of ambition and procrastination while maintaining a child-like wonder for the world we live in. It’s been quite the adventure learning what my mind and body love separately and which things make me truly feel alive. The thing that always rings true to me is that I feel best when I’m around people, when I’m doing things that are difficult, and appreciating outcome independence again, something I’ve lost since being in the corporate world for a few years now.

Today I want to impart on you the following: take your time, it’s everyone’s first time alive, learn to break your habits, and remember the ephemerality of your conscience.

Taking your time

As a very social person I tend to forget that I don’t always owe anyone anything. There are many cases where there is an amount of relational bookkeeping in a relationship, but for the most part you only owe yourself unconditional love. Recently I’ve been practicing prioritizing myself above falling into a cycle of FOMO, it’s been really difficult but the more I do it the more I realize that often the idea of hanging out with people is more attractive to me than the act itself. Only when I finish spending that time on my own, whether that’s deep cleaning my apartment, going on a walk without my phone, or just watching some YouTube, do I realize the joy in these activities. Hopefully this is a practice that you have already incorporated in your life, but I do want to give you the space to understand that prioritizing you is not selfish but almost necessary, you can’t light someone else’s candle if yours isn’t well lit.

Quite cliche, but recently I was reminded that everyone is living life for the first time - your wise aunt, your go-to bodega cashier, and even your grandmother. They learned everything they are trying to teach you by having lived it themselves. We can do a lot to absorb their wisdom through stories and time spent together, but there is no greater teacher than experience. So let yourself fail, let your friends make questionable decisions, and understand that everyone must learn how to live their life in their own ways. With this in mind, in my opinion it is best to assume incompetence as opposed to ill intent when you’re unsure about someone’s intentions, because it’s their first time on this planet. See this important interview. It’s a lovely idea to consider you may meet them again in another life.

The more optimistic you are about the world and the intentions of others, no matter how questionable someone’s actions are, understand that you will never fully understand someone’s motives. We all do our best to share what we want in our life and why we want this with words and actions, but it’s futile to an extent, and this is special. Consider how you’ve tried to tell a story before about your life and someone just didn’t get it, it can be frustrating but it’s also precious in a way that you are the only one who will get you fully.

Take your time with yourself and those around you and you will live a life that lets you sleep easier at night.

Do things that are intimidating, and almost confusing

One of the best things you can do for your mind and heart is to be open to experiences, and thus people, that you would not have let into your life 3, 6, 12 months ago. You’ll never know who or what you love unless you try it. Think of that hobby that you picked up and have fixated on in the last year, what did it take you start it in the first place? Use that feeling of confusion when you started this new activity as a way to remind yourself that this can happen again for more experiences. You’ll never know who and what you love until you let yourself fail and be vulnerable. For myself, I’ve learned that fully solo traveling is not totally for me - the more I can share my life with others, despite my closeness to them, the better, and that climbing is my preferred fitness activity.

I’ve practiced this often, but more so recently with the thought that I was mentally in a rut, trying to escape monotony. The specific technique that I’ve used is simply trying something new each week for at least an hour a week. I’ve done simple things like using my non-dominant hand as much as possible for the week, or more involved activities like joining random hobby groups on meetup.com.

This I actually learned from a group of my best friends - the more new adventures you go on that you didn’t originally consider the more you can learn about yourself and simply get out of the monotony of a capitalist working lifestyle. This is really the outcome: the more you break your habits the more you can take care of yourself. The exact scenario I had in my head for a while is - the more meditative walks I do the better I feel, but it got to a point where I’d get in to autopilot on these walks, and by breaking my habits I could actually be more mindful about how I feel.

In some ways it’s freeing and a healthy result to find something you don’t like, it’s still a form of learning what you like! Now you know what you want to avoid for now, and if in the future you’re in a different stage in life you may give it another go with a new perspective. The human mind has too great a capacity for abstract and novel thoughts that numbing it with doomscrolling and an overt reliance on routine you’re doing your life a disservice.

In the comments, if you’re so inclined, let me know what meetup[.]com, chatgpt, reddit, etc suggest for you to take part in and let me know how these activities go! Start with a 1hr a week adventure and see where it takes you, be like Carl in Up. My last suggestion is to mix these habits with those that have a reward (a new recipe) with those that have no reward to practice outcome independence. I truly believe this will make you happier and a better friend/partner.

Your existence is only guaranteed this instant

I am notorious for repeating this, despite it’s macabre nature: we are certain about one thing in our life after being born → we are going to die. Instead of treating this as a thing to be afraid of, it necessitates that we must live most days as if it is the last one you’ll share, I have found that I live life in a limbo of absurdism and existentialism. It may be hard to cope with this idea, but if you’ve ever walked in a cemetery, it’s a harsh reminder that at some point you may be in that grave as well, I’m sure your predecessors would love to see you live life today.

Life’s highlights

In the last couple months I’ve traveled to Paris, Amsterdam for the first time, went to London again. Met up with new and old friends in each city, went to the WeLoveGreen music festival, stayed at my first hostel where my roommates were a mix of ex-convicts who were some of the nicest people I’ve ever met and other folks backpacking around Europe, and got my first tattoo. I went to LA to celebrate my sister’s graduation. Revisited more cities in Texas: San Antonio, Dallas, and Houston, for birthdays and concerts. Leading group rides with some of my best friends around Austin and the hill country, and rekindle connections with old friends who I’ve mostly unintentionally lost contact with.